This isn’t going to be a rant against African women. It’s also not an apology.
Brothers, Stop Putting Our Sisters on Blast
I’m starting with that. Brothers, y’all need to stop with all the memes and articles blaming our women for all our problems. Focus on your role ‘cause that’s what you can control.
(P.S. Did you see how y’all was trippin’ on the sisters about PrisonBae? Like y’all don’t have booty pics on even the conscious websites. What’s the matter, y’all jealous? You’re beautiful, too bruh. No matter what they say…)
Why Didn’t You Marry an African-American Woman?
The question should be why I didn’t marry an American woman. Let me tell you what I, as a man, need from a wife. You tell me where you can find that in America or any Western country.
1. Stop nagging.
Real talk: nagging is verbal and emotional abuse. American women’s idea of marriage is a lifetime self-improvement course where she’s the motivational speaker. Every night before bed she want to go over everything he did wrong that day, and “what we talked about”. “I thought we talked about that…” There’s a time and place for disagreement, but do you know it?
Every decision a man makes is met with a 2-page questionnaire. Why can’t I just say something and do it? Why I gotta explain why I’m going to the gym? What happened to being a king? “The Black man is a king. Our ancestors were kings.” Tell the truth, how many men get treated like one? After everything men go through in a day, what they come home to is worse. I need peace in my home.
2. What I say goes.
In a company, when the boss says what to do, it’s done. There’s no, “But you didn’t ask me,” or “But when you asked me, I said this,” or “Why?” What the boss says goes. You break yourself for your boss, for your professors, etc., but when it comes to your man, the rule suddenly changes. Where does that come from? Why do those men get something that I can’t?
What I say goes. I’m responsible, so I’m in charge. It’s not control- it’s order. If a wife isn’t committed to what her husband says, then the children will obey neither him nor her. Now no one has any idea what’s going to happen, or what’s supposed to be happening. How am I supposed to conquer the world when my home is in chaos?
3. Give it up.
Sex is a physical and psychological need. A need, not a want, a NEED. Think of it like food. When someone’s hungry, he doesn’t want to be asked why he’s hungry, or reminded of the last time he ate, or told that this isn’t his regularly scheduled eating time. He NEEDS to eat.
Nowadays women got their man on a point system. He can’t get none ‘til he has enough gold stars. He has to win a debate and a game of Jeopardy. What is wrong with a person that they get more pleasure from a feeling of control than from pleasing others, nevermind themselves?
Don’t ever in your life disrespect me in public.
That’s rule number one, non-negotiable. After that, your words, your tone of voice, your body language and your facial expressions shouldn’t show anything but respect when you talk to me or about me to others. You got something to say, you figure out how to say it. It’s not like this rule doesn’t apply in other situations. Why should I be the only one to see your ugly side? If anything, it should be the other way around.
I’m not gonna swallow my pride to be with you. Don’t tell me I’m lucky, make me feel lucky. And who do you think you are to even say that?
5. No means no.
As much as I’m willing to do for my wife, there are some things I’m not. It’s ignorant and ungrateful to ignore all a person does to focus on the few things they don’t. It is about pride and so what? Men need to feel proud. So do women. Don’t tell me I’m a king when I feel like some little boy carrying his mother’s purse around the mall.
6. I Don’t Share
I’m #1 in your life. #1 means first. #1 means best. #1 means only.
Don’t ever compare me another man, not even in your mind and heart. Don’t praise another man, even if I’m not around. Don’t try to help me with my faults and mistakes by pointing out another man that doesn’t have them. And as for your exes, him or me. They need to be completely out of your life. No contact, no throwing issues from those relationships on me. I don’t share at any level. Oh, and “guy friends”? “Guy” = “Male”. “Boy” = “Male”, too, so “guy friend” = “boyfriend”…
What About What Women Think?
Sisters, if you don’t agree with this list, then go ahead and write down what you think a man needs form his wife. Go ahead, take out a piece of paper…
Are you finished?
Now take your list and throw it in the garbage can. Tell me- where in the world do you go where people tell you what you need instead of you telling them? Does a waiter tell you what you want at a restaurant? Do you tell colleges and companies what they need in a worker when you apply? No, you check their list and try to fit the bill.
That’s with wrong with y’all- with ALL western women- you don’t think about who you need to be; you too busy thinkin’ ‘bout what a man is supposed to want. But then you want a man who listens.
So you can go on all day about what’s wrong with what men want. But what’s wrong with what men want is what’s wrong with you. That’s what western “civilization” does: it teaches us to control and change, i.e. pervert, nature; Africa teaches you to find harmony. The western wife is a soldier for feminism, her husband is the enemy and their marriage is the front line. Africans had rites of passage and initiation ceremonies to teach their own, and each other’s, nature. Now it’s all about you…
My wife is not from the West, has never been there, and is not from a westernized or “modern” family. She happens to be unusually light-skinned for her family. But I want to make it clear that I married her for who she is, not despite what she isn’t.
How that happened is a long story, which you can read here: Strange Marriage
“Objection: All Black Women Aren’t the Same”
That’s true. I could’ve married an American African. But I saw her mother had put her dad on the couch, and she didn’t seem to have a problem with it. What could I expect?
The same woman had an issue with me, but instead of telling me I had to hear about it after every one of her friends and family members had been told. I’m a simple guy- I wanna deal with you, not 50 other people.
Another woman was having panic attacks during her summer internship at a law firm. I asked if she thought that meant law wasn’t meant for her; she said yes. I asked if she was going to leave it; she said no. She was going out of her way to add stress to her life- how was she going to bring peace to a home?
Notice, in all these cases, the objection has nothing to do with their color. It is their culture. These are things ALL western women do. That’s the point here: I don’t have a problem with Black women. There’s nothing wrong with Black women. There’s something wrong with western culture.
“Objection: Mixed Marriages Contribute to the Genocide of the African Race”
What is this myth that bi-racial children aren’t Black? If my children aren’t Black, then neither are you.
Frances Cress Welsing says in The Isis Papers that pale people are afraid because any child born to mixed parents is not white but black, and we all nod our heads and agree. Well, my children have an African father, so by the same logic, they’re African (“black”).
We take pride in the African ancestry, however small a fraction, of historical figures like Queen Charlotte and Alexander Pushkin. Runoko Rashidi insists on the African-ness of people with any visible trace of African, or any known African ancestry, no matter how far off. Then how are children with an African father not African, or less African? Why can’t they be celebrated?
When people like Neymar or Ronaldo deny being Black because of their other ancestry, we put them on blast. But when my children claim to be Black because of their African ancestry you’ll deny them?
My marriage brought a white person into the fight against white supremacy, and increased the number of Black children.
“Objection: Africans Who Marry Non-Africans Can’t Fight White Supremacy”
Ahem, Fredrick Douglass…
When you’ve accomplished more than him, you can say that.
That’s the kind of conscious person to avoid: the one who ain’t doin’ nothin’ but keeps saying how it should be done. The one who talks about “the fight against white supremacy” but isn’t actually involved. The one who talks about whose gonna be on what side in the revolution, instead of starting it. You don’t know how something needs to be done until you’ve done it. And you haven’t done shit, have you?
Most of y’all talkin’ about who to marry aren’t even married yourselves. You oughta be humble enough to admit that you don’t know anything about it. How many of your scholars are even married? Is it African to be lead by words, or by example?
If you’re a:
- Five-Percenter and a Nine-to-Fiver,
- a Queen who owes rent to a cave bitch,
- a god who can’t beat the devil, or
- a chronic smoker without a chronic illness,
you ain’t got nothin’ to say about fighting white supremacy.
Are We Fighting Genes or Supremacy?
Look at Huey, Angela Davis and Malcolm X. Look at Nikki Giovanni, Dr. Phil Valentine and Assata Shakur. Do you need to be a blue-black 100% pure-blooded sub-Saharan equatorial Bantu African to fight White Supremacy?
No. (Most of the people talkin’ that stuff are light-skinned Africans with a color complex, have you noticed? That tells you something.)
And if you don’t, then neither does your spouse, or your children.
If the struggle is against white ancestry then we’re at war with ourselves.
Unless you’re in the intermediate or advanced stages of a written plan to fight white supremacy, you’re in no position to start turning people away. Now how many of you have even written a plan?
You are my brothers and sisters and I love y’all, but I’ma end this by puttin’ y’all on blast:
My white colleague is married to an Ethiopian Christian. He’s a convert to the Ethiopian Orthodox church, puts his kids in an Ethiopian international school, and is building a house on his land in Ethiopia.
He’s married to an African spouse- are you?
He’s a member of an indigenous African congregation, with an African deity- are you? (Kemet memes don’t count.)
He’s educating his children in an African curriculum- are you?
He bought land in Africa- have you?
For every word you would speak of criticism, would you give an equal amount of dollars to crowdfund a Ghanaian medical student? http://www.gofundme.com/rabiu That would make more of a difference.